“May Day, May Day, May Day…,” Our Children and Grandparents are in Danger or Dying…

Martin Niemöller reminds us, “First they came for…then they came for me.”

At Neuschwanstein Castle this past Christmas holiday, I looked across the icy mountains remembering an encounter with a male and female. Overhearing their conversation, I was sure they were American tourists. The female spoke with words that were cold and crystal clear, “Mom and Dad, they grow old so slow.” 

Of course, I did not know exactly what their conversation entailed other than their apparent concern. I didn’t think about it again until right before springtime arrived. I longed to go to the park and hear the birds sing and see children play and laugh.

Sitting on a bench I heard the birds sing, but unlike past visits with countless parents and children there were only a few. As I walked towards the drinking fountain, I came across two women looking over their children playing in the sandbox. One spoke, “They grow so fast.”  

Across the globe from New York’s Central Park or in Paris, Tel Aviv, Mexico City, Dublin, St. Petersburg, Sofia, Beijing, Copenhagen, Warsaw, Shiraz, Mecca, Jerusalem, Ho Chi Minh, Lisbon, Puerto Barrios, Budapest, Cambodia, Buenos Aires, Bogota, Vienna, Kiev, Munich, Jakarta, Roma, Belize, Bangkok, Medina,  Edinburg, Manila, San Jose, Victoria, Bucharest, Vancouver, San Jose, Tokyo, Istanbul, Yerevan, San Juan, Prague, Brussels, Malaysia, Caracas, Nassau, Adelaide, Karachi, Wonsan, Havana, Queenstown, Kabul, Porto Alegre, Reykjavik, London, Riga, Montevideo, Oslo, Port-au-Prince, Shanghai, Nuuk, Mumbai, Caracas, Stockholm, Minsk, Athens, Helsinki, Kuala Lumpur, Santo Domingo, Kingston, Red Devil, Barcelona, Colon, and cities in African countries from Casablanca, Cairo, Accra, Abuja, Khartoum, Mossaka, Kinshasa, Ababa, Nairobi, Rwanda, Lusaka, Harare, and Johannesburg to islands to the east Seychelles and Madagascar…

I am quite sure most parents have uttered the words, “They grow so fast.” Children at home, in parks, on the shore or across the open landscape are being forced to grow up much faster than others or leave their homes.

“Out of the Mouths of Babes…”

Home as the current pandemic is reminding us has not always been safe for mothers and children. Lockdowns have given rise to reports of domestic violence. This is a complex problem as it also involves the safety of our police officers.

In the U.S., officers’ duty is to “protect and serve.” Yet unlike a burglar or criminal who breaks into a house, the wife, girlfriend or mother chooses her partner and brings him home.

Mothers need to remind themselves that children did not choose their father or stepfather “for better or for worse till death do us part.” Children are innocent bystanders. But some have stood bravely calling the authorities as we have recently seen in Berlin, Germany. Such courage to stand up should serve as an example to women.

Enough with the “me too.”  Learn from children to say “not me!” Enough with hating or holding all men responsible for your choice of a partner. Learn from children, “Officer, he’s hurting mom. Take him away.” Children may not always know how to tell the difference between the sincere kindness of men and bastardly men feigning until years later. Women do know the difference and need to call them out now, not decades from now.

Women portrayed as the “courageous” and the “survivors” by the media primarily points to those of two sectors: film and politics. To those whose stories speak of being silent in exchange for a career, I say “fuck you.” 

If actors and those in government are referred to being “courageous” and “survivors,” what do we call women and young girls who stand up for themselves at the time of harassment and assault? How do we reward young girls who question authority and parents’ disbelief that a family member, teacher, coach or man of faith could commit such atrocious actions? 

What do we say of mothers who have to make the hardest choice of their life: Stand up or sacrifice themselves for their children living in silence holding onto the only job or jobs that shelter their children and puts food on the table?  Are not these brave girls and women the truly courageous and the survivors?

Celebrities, businesswomen, politicians and those working for them who speak of living in shame appear to have overlooked those whose life is truly a “living hell.” Women and those classified as minorities have little to no rights. These are not women looking to make a name for themselves in Hollywood, business, or politics to keep their status quo lifestyle. These women are looking to live and work in dignity.

“Kidnapping” or “Parental Interference”?

Domestic violence also begs the question, why are family custodial issues conflated with those of serious criminal kidnappings? Recall the original intent of an “AMBER Alert” coined after the 1996 U.S. Texas abduction and murder case?  

The majority of recent cases appear to be more a matter of “Parental Interference” than “Kidnapping.” States law enforcement begins with a public announcement but may ultimately take resources away from policing and actual crime prevention. Federal funding is also sparse. Is the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) sufficiently and/or aptly staffed? Are agents, resources and time being misallocated due to reported “Amber Alerts”?

The FBI at one time was not armed. Edgar Hoover changed that. Now, the agency needs to arm itself with a director that restricts its officers’ duties to actual criminal kidnappings as was the intent of the law. Otherwise, the Bureau is left to be a tool in “crime control theater” appealing to what criminologists conclude is “reactionary ‘memorial’ legislation.” 

In the journal, SAGE, June 1, 2008 research article, “Child Abduction, AMBER Alert, and Crime Control Theater,” Timothy Griffin and Monica K. Miller, posit that “AMBER Alert is arguably an example of what could be called crime control theater. It is a socially constructed “solution” to a socially constructed problem, enabling public officials to symbolically address an essentially intractable threat.” Tragically, this “theatre” has real life consequences.

Officers reportedly loathe responding to domestic violence calls. In most cases, the wife or girlfriend exhibiting visible injuries does not press charges. Several of the suspects are repeat offenders. In cases when there is a confrontation an officer is sometimes killed.

In my judgment, officers responding to calls of domestic violence or “Parental Interference” who were subsequently killed did not “die in the line of duty” but forced to be “in the line of fire.” Family and friends in laws enforcement have agreed and disagreed with my argument, depending on whether they are male, female, or have children.

Women, it may serve your interests to practice “Adult Woman Interference,” instead of reactionary “crime control theater.” Americans, what have you gained? You live in the most democratic and powerful country and yet, since its founding, centuries later no female president?

Children around the world may not have the option to call the authorities as those in Berlin when witnessing parental abuse. Neither do defenseless grandparents or those who have reached advanced age or so called “golden years.”

For many, these years can be described as the “dark years” especially in the current COV-19 pandemic where elder abuse continues to occur in an environment the nursing industry sees as “the cost of doing business.” Parents, who did you put your trust in when realizing “Mom and Dad, they grow old so slow?” 

“Home Sweet Home”: A Place to Live or Die

Speaking of home and trust bring to mind safety in Home Care Services or Nursing Homes.

Home Care Services spending ranges from tens of thousands to millions depending on one’s meagerly savings or ones trust fund. Question is, how well stocked and staffed are these home care services vs nursing homes? The industry is said to employ experienced professionals. Did you read and verify the staff’s credentials or left it up to those you contracted?   

Nursing homes are rapidly becoming a place to die rather than to live your last years. They are typically privately owned and difficult to regulate. Once you drop off your “loved one” you relinquish most of yours and their rights as your grandma, grandpa, mom, dad, aunt, uncle, sister, brother, or friend is in their jurisdiction, being provided the “care” you, their adoring child, now pay strangers to do.

Alternatively, has the home care service conducted due diligence in recruiting and training qualified candidates? How do you ascertain that you can trust those you bring into your home?

In the best of times, some nursing homes have been investigated for criminal acts committed by their staff where the “loved one” was assaulted or attended by less than professional staff causing injury or death.

Now, in the worst of times, are we really surprised that given the thousands of reported deaths, some nursing homes have literally “gotten away with murder” masked as COV-19? No, such criminal conduct is not good for business. This may explain a sudden rise in home care service ads showcased by a myriad of staff in fully adorned in medical garbs and CEOs in their polished suits extending a “warm smile.”

Also not good for business is what some U.S. states (i.e. Florida) are reportedly facing. Nursing homes and/or home care services requesting immunity in the event of the death of elderly patients or whom we call “loved ones.” So, for those who feel that “Mom and Dad, they grow old so slow,” problem solved. Just drop them off at the places who have preemptively requested immunity.

Retirement – “Golden Years” or “Golden College Parachute”?

In early Spring of 2007, before the 2008 Recession reached its peak, I began working at university. As a new employee, I befriended two co-workers. I discovered they both were at the brink of retirement, Jim and Clara. Jim took a huge loss in his 401K. Clara fared much better. She, however, made what I thought a rash decision given her imminent retirement.  

Clara thought she would be helping her children by paying for her grandkids’ college tuition and fees. At the time, I was planning and saving to apply for admission and a student loan. I informed Clara that “you can borrow for college but you cannot borrow for retirement.” She shrugged off my advice.

Clara wasn’t alone in wanting to help her family. Sure, her decision was emotionally based. But I soon learned “business savvy” is not necessarily logical or a privilege reserved for those schooled in business. I’ve long questioned parents, grandparents, colleagues, and friends on the necessity of using their life savings to pay for their children or grandchildren’s college tuition.

Working at a business school, I came across a professor emeritus, Hannah. I found her to be intelligent, assertive, fearless, and confident, qualities few women have. I shared with the professor my thoughts on parents or grandparents transferring their savings and/or investments to pay for college.

Hannah thought my idea pretty harsh and took offense. She thought me an insensitive and calculative person. She was partly correct, but coming from someone of her character I was surprised to hear this. Her words didn’t faze me as I’ve been called worse by those in powerful positions. Unable to resist the challenge, I responded. Let me preface first by saying this exchange occurred in 2009, the year before I was admitted to university.

I said, “Madame, nursing homes and education are a business. I do not need to possess academic credentials to arrive at this fact. Before I part ways, I’ll leave you with two questions: 1. How are you paying for your husbands’ unforeseen medical bills?; and 2. Your sons and daughters have for years asked you to babysit their five children because unlike a stranger you would be the best babysitter, or so they say. Will they take care of you and your husband when you retire and are unable to care for yourself, or will they be ‘insensitive and calculative’ and have strangers nurse you?”

Bottom line: Highly trained nurses and staff are being serviced out to home care services for those who can afford it. Having insurance is not sufficient to stay alive and live well in the “greatest country in the world.” Nor is being the best babysitter money can’t buy.

Is Your Home Your Castle?

Each castle possesses its own character and charm. Still, Neuschwanstein Castle holds a special place for me as do the places I call home. What about you? Do you have a home you call a castle? In time, in a few or many, many years from now, you too may discover that babysitting and providing home care for your grandkids may have been necessary but is not sufficient for your children to provide “home sweet home” care for you in your castle. 

It is said that “A man’s home is his castle.” I have visited palaces and castles from the opulence inside the Palace of Versailles to America’s Hearst Castle on a mountain top overlooking the beautiful Pacific Ocean to the noble Tower of London paying a visit to the royal jewels and throne (A brat, I found it fun to break the rules sitting in the King’s Throne. Scotland Yard is still looking for that naughty young lady!).

Regrets? Not a chance. As a child, I may have played with children, but I loved to listen to my grandparents and those in their “golden years.” I still do. As a young teenager, I remember asking them, “If you could go back in time, what would you do differently?” Their words have been with me ever since, “Child, have no regrets. Why it’s the things we yearned to do and did not that we regret the most.”

Captain and Ye Pirate!

Depending on whether I was a rascal getting into trouble or simply speaking my mind, I would overhear adults describe me as, “she’s a free spirit” or “she has an old soul.”

Speaking with my mentors through the years they have found these excerpts rather amusing saying things like, “Aye, who be that “old soul”? Judging by thee stubbornness, captain of a ship. Judging by thee quick tongue, pirate.”   

I defy those who live by the rules of man without question. I did not need to “see it to be it.” I became it. Or “see her to be her.” Whether you choose your art or it chooses you, “it” requires action, be you male or female.

As a young woman, I left my “sweet home” to fulfill my destiny. As an adventurer, I “sailed” the world enjoying the stories and company of pirates and captains alike, boys and girls. Little was given to me as a child or now as an adult. I go after what I want with the discipline and sense of a captain and the passion of a pirate. 

Children and grandparents may be forced to face rough seas in their life, but those years should be golden! Be their years fast or slow, do not take away their “magical wand” giving them their powers of sweet innocence, freedom, storytelling, and dignity.

“Why, then the world’s mine oyster, Which I with sword will open.” –  From the play “The Merry Wives Of Windsor” – William Shakespeare